Hostage at the Table: How Leaders Can Overcome Conflict, Influence Others, and Raise Performance	7
	Contents	9
	Foreword	11
	Preface	15
	Chapter 1: Are You Being Held Hostage Without Knowing It?	23
	Controlling Our Brain Is Essential	26
	Powerlessness Is Poison	28
	The Stockholm Syndrome and Hostage Mentality	33
	Bonding Is the Antidote	36
	Summary	39
	Chapter 2: Finding Freedom Through Your Mind’s Eye	41
	Focusing with the Mind’s Eye	44
	Understanding the Mind’s Eye of Another Person	46
	The Power of a State of Mind	47
	Influencing Inner States and Outer States	49
	The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and the Mind’s Eye	51
	Seeing with the Mind’s Eye	54
	Summary	57
	Chapter 3: The Potential of the Bonding Cycle	59
	The Bonding Cycle	62
	Attachment and Bonding	66
	Separation and Grief	69
	The Eight Stages of Grief	71
	The Seven Manifestations of Broken Bonding	78
	Bonding and Change	85
	Summary	86
	Chapter 4: The Strength of a Secure Base	88
	How Secure Bases Influence the Mind’s Eye	99
	People as Secure Bases	101
	The Mother Figure as Secure Base	102
	The Father Figure as Secure Base	104
	Goals as Secure Bases	106
	Fear of Failure and Fear of Success	107
	High Self-Esteem and Secure Bases	109
	Secure Bases and Resilience	110
	When a Secure Base Is Missing	112
	Styles of Attachment and Bonding	113
	Summary	119
	Chapter 5: The Art of Conflict Management	121
	The Nature and Roots of Conflict	124
	Violence as an Extreme Response to Loss	127
	“Put the Fish on the Table”	130
	Sources of Conflict	132
	The Dynamics of a Healthy Relationship	134
	Conflict of Interests Versus Conflict of Needs	137
	Resolving Conflict	138
	Applying Conflict Resolution Techniques in Business	141
	Summary	143
	Chapter 6: Effective Dialogue	145
	Seeking a Greater Truth Through Dialogue	147
	Internal and External Dialogue	151
	Blocks to Dialogue	154
	Tools to Remove Blocks to Dialogue	159
	Principles of Dialogue	161
	The Art of Listening	162
	The Impact of Dialogue on Health	164
	Summary	168
	Chapter 7: The Power of Negotiation	171
	Ten Steps in the Negotiation Process	174
	Taking a Positive Approach to Negotiation	177
	Apply the Law of Reciprocity and Concession Making	186
	The Impact of Influence and the Power of Persuasion	190
	Exercising Informal Authority	191
	Sell the Benefits of Pain	194
	Summary	196
	Chapter 8: Mastering Our Emotions	198
	How Emotions Work	200
	Five Stages of Emotion	202
	Five Patterns of Emotions	206
	Motivation	212
	The Value of Emotional Intelligence in Business	214
	The Impact of Emotions on Mood	216
	Dealing with Emotions	216
	Three Simple Tools to Deescalate Emotions	219
	The Amygdala Hijack	221
	Summary	223
	Chapter 9: Living with a Hostage-Free State of Mind	226
	High Self-Esteem	229
	Low Self-Esteem	230
	Boosting Self-Esteem	231
	Empowered Humility	233
	Helping Ourselves and Others Through Continuous Lifelong Learning	235
	Finding Freedom Through Choice	239
	Living in Flow	241
	Summary	243
	Notes	247
	Acknowledgments	257
	The Author	261
	Index	263